The first presidential debate of 2016 is tonight and could have upwards of 100 million people tuning in. What they’re hoping to see I’m not sure, but I do know that these crap options for president drive many of us to drink. So here’s five beers for you to drink during tonight’s debate!
Before we get going, this is a beer blog, not a political blog, please take your opinions on the candidates elsewhere. I’m sure someone on Facebook will be happy to call you Hitler for not backing their choice.
Delirium Tremens A.K.A. The Mind of Donald Trump
The Republican party has long been associated with elephants, so why not get so drunk that we start seeing pink elephants dancing around? Huyghe Brewery in Belgium makes a line of Delirium beers, each featuring pink elephants on the label, with Delirium Tremens being the most popular of the series.
But Delirium Tremens is also a serious condition caused by alcohol withdrawal and described as “Severe alcohol withdrawal symptoms such as shaking, confusion, and hallucinations.” I’m not saying Trump is a drunk, but he definitely seems to have some facts confused and may or may not have hallucinations about building the biggest wall. The best wall.
What’s Hillary’s Favorite Thing To Do? Plead The 5th!
Emails? Plead the 5th.
Benghazi? Plead the 5th.
How many affairs has your husband had? 5, no wait, I plead the 5th!
Let’s not let something like the fact that she didn’t plead the 5th get in our way. Though her IT staffer pulled a Chappelle and pled the 5th 125 times! So in honor of #HillaryForPrison I suggest you knock back a Dark Horse Plead the 5th, or better yet a barrel aged version of it!
Whatever beer you’re drinking, just don’t let her pour it.
Are You Unsure What Aleppo is and Want To #FeelTheJohnson?
If you’re upset that Gary Johnson isn’t on stage tonight then reach for a bottle of MadTree’s Are You Ready for Some Darkness. Gary Johnson went from being the Governor of New Mexico to CEO of Cannabis Sativa, Inc., a company founded to make marijuana-infused products. If you’ve watched him in interviews lately I’d say he’s a pretty big consumer of his own products.
While there’s no shortage of beers referencing weed MadTree’s beer is actually brewed with hemp seeds. I’ve heard that they had to prove there was no THC (the chemical in weed that gets you stoned) in this beer before getting final approval to sell it. Luckily, Libertarians would dissolve the TTB along with the rest of the government, paving the way for a beer that can get you drunk and stoned!
I Can’t Stand Politics Anymore, I have to Get Drunk!!
And I don’t mean drunk, I mean totally shit faced because whichever candidate wins we’re all fucked!
Sam Adams Utopias
Utopia, that’s what a lot of us would like our country to become. So once you’ve had enough of the political lies reach for a Sam Adams Utopias and start chugging. Clocking in at 28% ABV this beer will get you wasted long before the debate is over.
BrewDog End of History
Trump and Hillary are the two most disliked candidates since we’ve been keeping track of this. Supporters for both candidates say the other candidate will make America worse and lead to the destruction of our country, so let’s drink BrewDog’s The End of History! I didn’t pick this beer only because of its sobriety destroying 55% ABV, but also because the name is a reference to the idea that western liberal democracy is the final form of human government, and so the end of history. Let’s hope the giant douche and the turd sandwich leading in the polls are not the greatest government can become.
Bonus Beer for the Lame Duck Homebrewer
For good or worse Obama’s days in office are almost done, so here’s a bonus beer as a shoutout to our Homebrewer in Chief. Obama had the chefs at the White House make an extract homebrew using honey grown at the White House. Regardless of what you think about his politics, you gotta admit that’s pretty cool. If any homebrewers are so inclined to clone this beer the White House published the recipe.
What are you drinking tonight?
There you have it, my top picks to drink during the 2016 Presidential debate. I don’t have any of these on hand so I’ll be drinking something else, but what will you be drinking? Or what other beer do you think would fit with these candidates and this election? Got an email or Benghazi-themed beer? How about a Breitbart Alt-Right Altbier?